The greatest love

Do you remember that saying that you can't expect anyone else to love you, until you learn to love yourself?

My mom used to tell me this all the time, but I really struggle to see the beauty within when there is so much about the person who stares back at me in the mirror that I don't like. So much I want to change and improve. My weight for starters has always been something I have battled with since I was a child. I was diagnosed with precocious puberty when I was 7 and was told from that age I would either grow up or out. I grew out. It didn't seem to matter what I ate, I just kept getting bigger and bigger. I could never shop in the shops my friends shopped at because I could no longer fit in the children's clothes anymore and I always felt really out of the loop. 

I didn't eat unhealthily or anything but anything I did eat just seemed to go straight to either my waist, my bum or my thunder thighs. I have been dieting on and off since before I was 16; joining weight watchers, then slimming world, taking part in the Dukan diet, the military diet, slimfast, 1:1 cambridge diet, calorie counting and going backwards and forwards through all of these time and time again to no avail. 

The only thing I didn't try? Actually learning to accept and love my body for all its curves and edges. I was told it was wrong to accept my body the way it was because; it's unhealthy, I look older, I can't wear the clothes I wanted to (or that I shouldn't wear the clothes I was choosing to). At 32 years old, I'm still in a love/hate relationship with my body and the older I get the more it becomes a hate/hate relationship. 

The greatest love we will ever have in our life is the one we have with the person we spend the majority of our lives with; ourselves. I've followed The mindset nutritionist's page for a while now and had the privilege of listening to Jeannette talk at my MIB event. Her main message was to talk to ourselves with compassion and love just as we would to our friends. 

We wouldn't say to our friends you look disgusting or grab parts of her flesh and look at it with abhorrence, and yet this is what we do to ourselves all of the time. We grab and hide the parts of ourselves we don't like and self-deprecate to let others know we are very much aware of these flaws and do not accept them, before giving anyone else the chance to judge us for them first.

I recently started to get back to the gym and although I haven't miraculously dropped 3 dress sizes, I'm already starting to feel more comfortable in my own skin again. Knowing that I'm making positive steps to help my fitness, I'm feeling more energised and confident, It's making me choose healthier food options and it's forcing me to have 'me' time....away from work and away from home.

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